It is hard to soar with the eagles when you have to live with the turkeys

The moment a baby is born in a family, poor or rich, two questions are asked. First question, “... is it a boy or a girl?” Second question, “. . . who does he/she look like?” I am not a prophet, nor a seer or a sangoma, and I do not cast a lot, but I can confidently lay a wager that these are the two questions that your kinsmen asked when you were born some decades ago. However, I have always wondered why the third question never comes out: “... is he/she a leader or a follower?”  

Dear reader, no matter where the invisible hand of the higher powers places you on the echelon, we are born on an equal footing. No person is born superior to another. No person is born richer or poorer than the other. Understand that we differ in social status and other matrices because of what we did or are doing to ourselves or what the environment did or is doing to us, knowingly or unknowingly. Riches are accumulated after birth through one’s hard work or inheritance. Even royal families pass the crown of rulership through enthronement and, in some traditions, after reaching a certain minimum age. No one is born as a (natural) leader. Leaders are made, not born. 

The people who hold high office, whether in the public or private sector, were born as ordinary men and women, just like everyone else. The famous doctor at the referral hospital in your city was not born with medical acuity. He took a deliberate action to expose himself to the environment that understood diseases. Steve Jobs was not born as a product designer. He acquired the expertise post-natal. Siya Kolisi, the Springboks’ rugby captain—recognised by The New African magazine as one of the 100 most influential Africans—led his team to a fourth Rugby World Cup title and became only the second captain to win back-to-back titles, despite not having been a rugby player by birth. No. He trained and learned the skill through practice and exposure. Abraham Lincoln is reported to have met more losses and setbacks than any other president before and after him. Yet, he is regarded as the greatest American President ever. 

New influences - prosperity, leadership, and other impressions - begin to have an impact on us from the day we are born and continue to shape, reshape, and refine us until death. What we do or do not do, or the things that we are exposed to between birth and death, determine whether we show up in our orbits as leaders or followers. As affluents or destitutes. As givers or takers. As learners or educators. As minimizers or maximizers. As the police or the policed. As doubt-minded or positive-minded. As eagles or turkeys. The transformation and self-discovery that we pick, experience, and draw on that positively influence humanity bring about our personal leadership rectitude. Nativity falls short of making you and me a leader.  

Leadership is like beauty. It is difficult to define, but easy to recognize. It is not possible to produce a profile of an ideal leader. If you examine the true leaders, past and present, you will find that each one of them had their own unique qualities. Think Steve Jobs of Apple. Mother Teresa. Nelson Mandela. Madame Marie Curie, whose efforts laid the groundwork for cancer treatment. Mahatma Gandhi. Margaret Thatcher. Mwalimu Julius Nyerere. Madam Indra Nooyi, former CEO of Pepsi. J.F. Kennedy. Alexander the Great. Hannibal. Pompey. Think Howard Schultz of Starbucks. Elon Musk. Nick Swinmurn, founder of Zappos. Strive Masiyiwa of Econet Zimbabwe. Or think of Mohammed Mo Dewji of Mohammed Enterprises Tanzania, and others. My dear reader, make no mistake: true leaders possess distinctive qualities that cannot be fully captured by lists of traits or characteristics. Leaders are shaped by defining events—or crucibles—that, in many ways, form their life stories. It is through transcending these crucibles and pursuing one’s purpose with conviction that an individual becomes a true leader. Ultimately, leadership has many voices, and each one is unique.

There is no such thing as universal characteristics, traits, or skills that define leadership. Leadership emerges from a personal life story. Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela were both humanitarians, but each had their own life story. Leadership is not defined by the position that one holds in an organization, by one’s height, color of skin, or stature. You do not have to be born with the traits of a leader or be at the top of an organization. You can lead at any position or point in your life. Leadership is self-discovery. We will call you a leader when you find something that you are fiercely passionate about and which positively impacts humanity and inspires others to join the cause.

This is where it becomes dangerous. To become a true leader, you must pursue your purpose with fiery passion. Without a real sense of purpose, you are at the mercy of your ego and the narcissistic tendencies of your associates. You move in circles with turkeys. You fail to soar with the eagles. Why? Because you are confusing yourself, thinking that you are a leader, when in the true sense, you are a narcissist, feeding your personal ego.

Leadership is a journey. Not a destination. Not a position. Not a privilege. To succeed in your journey, you need to cultivate self-awareness. It helps you stay focused and grounded, and enables you to get back on track whenever you risk being derailed by your environment or by the people you regularly associate with.

Yes, this journey called leadership will take you through valleys, gullies, peaks, detours, and roadblocks. On a positive note, it will offer you rewards, awards, recognition, gratification, and other seductions. The way you navigate these challenges and satiate yourself with the seductions defines the height of your leadership, whether you soar with eagles or quack with turkeys. The choice is yours. 

Leadership is like a toothbrush. You cannot use someone’s toothbrush to clean your teeth. If you do, you know the outcome. Resist the temptation of adopting other people’s viewpoints. Martin Luther King Junior put it better than I could when he said, “... until you have something to die for, you are not fit to live.” You are unique. Believe in your abilities. Do not live on borrowed ideologies. You are more capable than you think.

If you read accounts of great leaders, you will find that their stories cover a full spectrum of experiences that involve the impact of parents, early caregivers, teachers, and mentors. Their life stories provide the context of their leadership. Let me ask you some questions. What people or experiences shape you? When you look back, what events do you reckon as your crucibles or key turning points? From which well do you draw your passion to lead in your life story?

Developmental psychologists assert that the environment we grow up in, and the people we regularly associate with, play a significant role in shaping our success or failure in life. Let me emphasise this key point: the mindset we absorb from those we habitually keep company with often becomes the mindset we adopt in our own lives, directly influencing our outcomes. Positive or negative. 

If you were to go back in time and give advice to the young you, what would that advice be? As for me, my advice would be ‘... young man, do not allow each and every person you interact with take up space in your orbit. Keep some people at a distance. Avoid them if you can.’ I would tell the young me that ‘... people come in our life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. Know which type of people to keep company of for a reason, which ones to associate or disassociate with for a season and which ones to keep close for a lifetime.’  I would continue with my avuncular counsel to the young me that ‘... some people need to be loved at a distance. Why? Because you become who they are – good or bad. Choose your peer group with great caution. I would end my tete-à-tete with the young me by saying that ‘... if you want to be a high-level performer, surround yourself with high performers. If you want to improve your behavior, surround yourself with a social circle that plays at the level you aim for.’ 

The number one reason good people fail in life is that they are distracted by the noise of their associates and the seductions of the environment. In neuropsychology, there is a term that explains why it is hard to fly with the eagles when you live with the turkeys. It is called emotional contagion. Emotional contagion is a phenomenon where individuals mimic the emotions of others, unknowingly and invisibly. They take the behavior of the people around them, especially those with whom they interact regularly. If they habitually associate with the five top-ranked gossipers, the truth is that they become the sixth top-ranked gossiper. Associate with star performers if you want to be a star performer yourself. Was it not Jim Rohn, who asserted, “. . . you are an average of five people that you habitually associate with”? 

Incidentally, research has shown that our brain distinguishes little between our own actions and the actions of others. Have you ever been in a situation where you and your friends are watching a football game on television or live at the stadium, when you unconsciously kick your friend sitting in front of you as you mirror a striker who was about to take a winning shot? The science behind this phenomenon is that whenever we are in a company of other people or watching them in action, our brain continuously mirrors the behavior that they display. This is referred to as neuron mirroring. It is the main cause of high or poor individual and team performance in many organizational set-ups. One senior member of staff with toxic behavior and influence, if left unchecked, over time, can pollute the whole organization with his toxic tendencies and make the organization fail.

Let us create a scenario: You have been invited to speak to a large audience in an auditorium as a guest speaker. On a topic of your choice. As you step on stage, you are greeted by a standing ovation. A wave of excitement sweeps through the room. You are pumped up for the occasion. For the talk. Eight minutes into the talk, you notice something strange. Some  members of the audience are seen playing with their mobile phones, others murmuring, or talking in whispers. Yet others look lost, tired, and uninterested. Evidently, there is a disconnection between you and the audience. The crowd is not on your side. You instantly become nervous and experience a strange wave of emotions from within. Your voice changes - for the worse - and your physiology becomes stiff and unanimated. You are attuned to the mood of the crowd. Through emotional contagion, your emotions start to mirror those of the crowd, and you know that you are certainly doomed for a poor show. A failure. 

In psychology, there is an expression called social personality, which in essence refers to the different person we become when we work or operate in or associate with a group of people. Empirical evidence has shown that when we operate in a group, we unconsciously tend to imitate what other people are saying or doing. We copy their lifestyle. We believe in what they believe in. We speak and dress like them. With time, their social personality dominates us. We lose our self-identity, uniqueness, and ability to think for ourselves. We become just like everyone else in the group. 

The greater point, dear reader, is that when we are independent of any social forces, we are very much aware of our unique emotions. However, when we enter and associate with a group of people and become part of it, we feel the group’s emotions and disposition acting upon us unconsciously and invisibly. The danger is that if the group’s or team’s emotions are stronger than ours, our personal moods get displaced. And that is the end of our self-identity. Likewise, if they have poor self-concept and disposition, it marks the beginning of our poor personal and team performance. 

Views from the top are that, as in real estate management, the most crucial factor to consider when buying a house is location. The same wisdom applies in leadership. When you are looking for your performance sweet spot, nothing is more important than the people that you habitually associate with. Why? Because you become who they are - good or bad. The hard truth is that it is hard to soar in the sky with the eagles when you have to live on the ground with the turkeys. Your success, as a person, depends to a greater extent on finding people or environments that match your performance profile. Yes, in business and private life, the people who surround you at organizational and personal levels matter. They have a high propensity to make you quack with the turkeys or soar with the eagles. You have the power to choose. Choose them with care. 

Lester Chinyang’anya ǀ General Manager - Operations ǀ Minet Malawi