One of my favorite quotes is by Saint Francis of Assisi, “... preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.” We may live in different corners of the world. Australia, in the southeast. Alaska, in the northwest. Wrangel Island, in the northeast. Tierra del Fuego, in the southwest. There is one thing that connects us. Yes, only one thing, and that is music. Music transcends caste, creed, culture, language, race, and geography. The beat of music appeals to an Eskimo from Greenland in the same way it does to a Masai of East Africa, a pastoral Khoikhoi of Angola, and a Samurai of Japan. It is not the language of the lyrics that wakes up and charms our emotions, but the beat. An Aboriginal who neither speaks nor understands English sweats himself out dancing to Bob Marley’s song ‘Three Little Birds’ or Tupac Amaru Shakur’s masterpiece ‘Changes.’ A Chinese jams to a Swahili bongo flavor piece, ‘Matatizo’ by Diamond Platnumz. Truly, music unites humanity.
Renowned British pop star and actor Cliff Richards was once asked to share the most humbling and touching experience of his life. He talked about a visit that he made to a refugee camp in Bangladesh. “. . . the first morning, I washed my hands several times. I did not want to touch anything there,” he recalled, and continued, “. . . everyone in the camp - adults and children - were covered with sores. You could clearly see that they were in acute pain because of the sores. I happened to bend down to a small child so that the photographer could take a nice photograph. While trying hard not to be in too close contact, someone accidentally stepped on the child’s fingers. The child screamed out aloud in pain, and I got hold of him, forgetting all about his sore condition.” He paused for a second, and continued, “. . . I remember vividly the warm little body clinging to me. The crying stopped immediately. At that moment, I knew that I had an enormous amount to learn about loving and caring for others. I was happy that I had at least made a start. The photograph of me with the little boy on my shoulder is one of the most treasured possessions that I have today. It is placed on the wall at home where I cannot fail to see it every day. I treasure both the moment and the photograph dearly,” he concluded.
Dear reader, we all have two life stories to share. One that is anchored on the past. And another that is set on the present and future. All of us, including the writer, can only learn from the past if we write a new story for ourselves. I have my story. What is your story? Or is today the day to write yours and share?
I see this in my orbit. Everyday. Many people talk more than they have to. Instead of delivering a magnum opus, they rap the talk. Sadly, most of us confuse talking with productivity. We do not align words with action. Musicians know it better – beats are enough to communicate one’s message. You don’t need to verbalize thoughts to make a point. Work in silence. Let your transformation happen in the shadows of silence. Do not seek external validation or share your progress before it is too strong to withstand external criticism. Instead, pursue internal validation. Why? Because it builds emotional stability. Society sells us a bill of goods that if we are celebrated, we will be sought by others, and vice versa. Claptrap. Let the work of your hands speak for you. Blessed are the people whose work of their hands speaks for them.
People will judge you not because of what you say but what you do. Talk is cheap. True leaders make their lives a message. They are exemplary. They walk their values. They behave according to their message. Here’s the thing: you influence others more through your actions than through your words. You were given one mouth, two ears, and two eyes for a reason – to listen and observe twice as much as you speak. No enterprise thrives on the words of its managers or agents. It does thrive on their actions. The Holy Bible supports this notion. In fact, it has a book that specifically addresses this subject. The name of the book is Acts of the Apostles. Why did the author not call it ‘Words of the Apostles’? He understood that one preaches a better sermon with action than words.
Every team you lead, every relationship you influence, every client you service, and every progress you make in life all begin with you taking action, not verbalizing intentions. Confucius put it better than I could, “... a superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions.” The greatest gift that you can give yourself and the people that you serve this year is the propensity to take action on ideas, not verbalizing them. You don’t have to tell anyone what you are doing. Allow them to see the evidence to realize that you are someone who gets things done. Yes, this year, try to work in silence. Total silence.
Ask any psychologist, and they will tell you that our early development in a positive environment is the main reason for our success. The mindset we are indoctrinated with and accept as kids is usually the mindset that we embrace as adults. Stated differently, our early upbringing and training have a high propensity of shaping our success. Your words affect your mindset.
A couple of years ago, I relocated from Masaki, where I had spent a great part of my insurance underwriting practice, to the city where I currently live. The city was new to me. The other day, I decided to drive through the neighborhood's boulevards to better appreciate its social profile and layout, familiarize myself with key landmarks, introduce myself to some residents, and greet my new neighbors. Barely a day after I had made the round, our neighbor from across the street came to our home for a visit. I liked him at first sight. He displayed friendly demeanors. He spoke with care, choosing words selectively, pausing now and again to give space for processing, reflection, and honesty. He listened with empathy. After we had exchanged notes about our background and families, he left. Five days later, he invited us for a cup of chai [tea] at his house. He said he wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood. None of the other neighbors had extended such an invitation to us. This neighbor had a unique personality. Over time we became great friends.
There was, however, one peculiarity that I noted about my newly-found neighbor. Every week, on Saturdays, our residential area was flooded with strange visitors – street beggars [masikinis]. At each house, they would ask whether the householders had any food to throw away or anything in excess that could be given away. I was told that they had been doing this for many years. Everyone in the neighborhood was familiar with these ‘visitors.’
As you would expect, the visitors did not smell very pleasant. Their clothes were dirty and unkempt. Understood, they were from the streets. They hardly touched water, let alone took a bath. This caused a lot of discomfort, nuisance, and agitation among the residents. They resented the beggars’ behavior and presence in the area. While the rest of the residents chased the beggars away, treating them as trespassers, my neighbor from across the street did the opposite. He welcomed them into his home with open arms, feeding them and handing out gifts to them. He had been doing this every week for many years. Out of curiosity, one day I brought this matter up to my neighbor, looking for a deeper reason vis-à-vis his conduct toward the beggars. His response was simple. Six words, “... this is how I was raised.” When I pressed him to expound, he opened up, saying, “. . . you and I have a responsibility to take care of those who can do absolutely nothing in return for our benevolence. We must take care of each other irrespective of one’s social status.” That day, I learned a big life lesson: our actions in furtherance of other people’s needs bear influence beyond what we can comprehend.
Every leader has a moment that quietly shapes and reshapes how they show up in their social and business orbits. Our propensity for action has multiple origins. We show up in the world the way we do, based in part on gender identity and what we were socialized into when we were young by our parents, friends, media, religion, and culture. If you grew up in a family where parents were benevolent, the probability that you are a kind person is certain. If people tell you that you talk too much, do not shoot the messenger; but embrace the message. Blame it on your upbringing. The truth is that you were nurtured and raised in an environment occasioned by power struggles, gossiping, and backbiting.
Saint Francis of Assisi was a wise man. He had an introspective reason for discouraging verbal communication, advocating non-verbal cues. He knew exactly what he was saying when he directed the faithful to ‘... preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.’ In psychology, there is an expression called the Dunning-Kruger effect, which, in simple terms, explains why some individuals underperform when given the same resource endowment as high-performers. In their groundbreaking study, David Dunning and Justin Kruger contended that people who underperform in their roles, whether at work or in their private lives, more often than not rush to verbalize their thoughts before fully processing them. As a result, they arrive at flawed choices or communicate ideas in an immature manner. They do wrong things because they lack awareness and the capacity to be introspective about their thoughts. Of course, words matter. But when it comes to demonstrating what you and I genuinely care about, it is our non-verbal message that defines who we are and conveys our point concisely. Disclaimer - this article is not a manifesto against verbal communication. No. If you have a knack for words, use them. None the less, understand that an indelible mark on our magnum opus starts and ends nonverbally.
We live in a fast-paced society. We cannot properly lead ourselves and others or discern the needs, aspirations, and concerns of others if we fail to decipher the world around us on multisensory levels through nonverbal cues. Heed the call of Saint Francis of Assisi, who advises us to live a life as if we are always under examination. Why? Because the language of nonverbal prompts reveals what is in a person’s mind before hearing the verbal discourse.
Have you ever been in the company of people who are an absolute joy to hang around with? What exactly makes these people an absolute joy to be around with? What do they do that you and I don’t do? The answer is that these people reinforce and nurture non-verbal cues more than verbal discourse. They are people of action. As a result, we get attracted to them. We flock to them en masse. We want to spend time with them. We want to listen to their stories and learn from them.
Views from the top are that when we engage in nonverbal communication, we garner the trust, cooperation, and admiration of others. Nonverbal cues, as Saint Francis of Assisi alluded to, are among the most powerful tools that you and I—as businesspeople, parents, and multi-sector leaders—can rely on, delivering the greatest return on investment in the form of pride and accomplishment.
Lester Chinyang’anya ǀ General Manager - Operations ǀ Minet Malawi
Comments
Post a Comment