We all have, in our lives, people who give us advice, . . . people who show us direction, . . . people who act as a lighthouse in matters of life. I don’t know about you - but for me, all meaningful and valuable advice that I ever received did not come in the form of words. I got them from watching the givers of advice – parents, siblings, teachers, peers, mentors, managers, religious leaders, and others. I am grateful to them. Some offered ageless avuncular wisdom, others spewed barbershop talk. Yet others shared undiluted celebrity gossip. I immensely benefited from their insights. But the most treasured advice that I got and internalized fully was not from the words that they spoke but from their example - how they lived their lives.
In many workplace environments, subordinates may not lend their manager's ear but certainly open their eyes, and pick cues and behavior exemplified by the manager. Similarly in homesteads - children may not listen to what their parents tell them but are always watching what the parents do. They do what their parents do. I wrote in an earlier chapter - I repeat because it is such a fundamentally important point – ‘One preaches a better sermon about one’s life with action than words.’
I like watching wildlife documentaries on television. Many years ago, I watched one on National Geographic Channel. The documentary was about lions and their generational uprightness. It offered me great leadership insight that I integrated unreservedly and have always lived by. I crave to share the insight with you, today. A mother lion had just calved and was suckling a litter of cubs. One thing that I picked from the documentary is that when a mother lion calves, she nurses the cubs strictly in a den for several weeks until their eyes have completely opened and have bonded fully with their mother. After a couple of months, the cubs are allowed to explore the den’s neighborhood. But they are not allowed to go far away from the den. Whenever the unruly cubs try to go out of bounce, the mother lion drags them back to the den’s precincts. Once the cubs have grown - into medium-sized lions - they start to master the territory set by the mother lion. With time, the den’s precinct expands. Later, the mother lion takes the cubs out of the den’s territory to afar fields to teach them how to hunt. Since they are still young and learning, the mother lion continues to provide security, and fend for and nurture the cubs.
When the cubs are about two years old, they are allowed to drift off on their own. However, before they are allowed to drift off and live their own life, the young lions would have learned the wisdom of a thousand generations by observing their parents. They would have learned how to hunt, . . . how to roar, . . . how to defend themselves from and intimidate predators, . . . how to behave when alone and in a group. In short, the parents would have primed their young into urbane lions and kings of the beast simply by the cubs observing, internalizing the behavior, and espousing the manners of their mother.
Too many people fail to achieve greatness because of ego. It’s an ego issue. Egotistic people overestimate themselves and their importance. They have excessive pride and overconfidence. Yes, people with an ego live in an ivory tower – they are untouchable, unteachable, and bossy. They stroke their ego too much, . . . they think that they are the ones that turn the sun on in the morning and turn it off in the evening - and that there would be no light and heat without them... they think that the whole world revolves around them and that every human being, flora, and fauna should listen to the words that they decree, . . . they live in self-denial that no competition can drive their business into obsolescence… they think that they are more judicious than the sanctified king Solomon of the ancient book of wisdom and the seven billion souls that walk our small planet. They think that they have answers and solutions to every problem under the sun, forgetful of the wise counsel of James Thurber who remarked, “…it’s better to know some of the questions than to know all of the answers.” Yes, they polish their ego too much to the effect that it shines so blazingly that it repels reverence and attracts ridicule.
A couple of weeks ago, I modulated a discussion at a business network international – a mastermind of local business captains. What started as a well-intentioned and lively discussion culminated in a fracas – all because of ego. Two colleagues - Jabir and Kato (not their real names) - opposed each other’s points vehemently for reasons privy to themselves. They got past the merits and demerits of the issue on the floor. The matter became personal. To add salt to a fresh wound, when it was time to curtail the debate and pass a verdict on the matter, the group - based on the strength of the points raised - passed judgment in favour of the former. Our colleague, Kato, looked unamazed, perturbed, agitated, and humiliated. He looked deflated like a ten-ton articulated truck sitting on a punctured tubeless tire. He didn’t take the defeat graciously. He immediately took leave of the meeting before formal closure without any valediction.
Life is too short to learn from your mistakes. More often than not, we learn lessons from other people’s missteps and delinquency. I learned a big lesson from the episode and Kato’s deplorable manners in particular, ‘. . . to never let one’s ego get close to one’s position so that when one’s position falls, one’s ego falls with it.’ Ask any professional soccer player and they will tell you that their managers and coaching staff always advise them ‘. . . to play the game, not the occasion’ – implying that as players, they should avoid being carried away by the boos, jeers, and cheers of spectators. Likewise, you and I need to detach ourselves from defeat and erstwhile externalities that we encounter in life, as hard as they may be. We should understand that every defeat that we experience in life carries with it a hidden golden jewellery of insight that if embraced with due civility and humility makes us to be better persons. “If you channel your emotions effectively, defeat can become a catalyst for a wonderful next chapter,” observed James Clear, behavior science expert and author of Atomic Habits.
You may have titanic ambitions, . . . you may have remarkable market opportunities, . . . you may have unmatched strategies that disrupt and dominate the marketplace, . . . you may have awesome talents that dazzle peers but if you are short of good manners; that is - you are arrogant, boastful, bragging, or a hothead, you are unteachable and lack civility towards other people - verily I say unto you, you are a formidable candidate of social exclusion. What is more - you cannot lead without followers and collaborators. This world of ours is full of genius people who have what it takes for their name to be chiselled on the wall of fame, but check the notice board, their names are missing – all because of arrogance, pride, and bad manners. Because of poor social decorum. Because of self-serving attitude. Self-absorption. They are full of themselves. It’s a misdemeanour issue. Sadly, egotism is cancerous. It starts small in one area of your life – by feeling self-important and being intolerant to your spouse and other family members at home. It slowly but steadily grows and spreads to your workplace – you develop cheekiness toward your boss and coworkers. Before you know it, it has polluted, infected, and negatively affected every part of your life. Narcissism becomes your way of life. Next, people start to avoid you, run away from you, and disassociate from you. Was it not leadership guru, John Maxwell, who asserted that “. . . one is too small a number to achieve greatness?”
Once upon a time, there was an area in the city of Kigogo. The area was home to the city’s affluent and celebrities. High-class area. Full of life and beauty. Suddenly, people started to notice some changes in the neighbourhood. A few windows got broken. The residents who were busy in their own way, accepted it. They did not fix the broken windows. Before long, the number of houses with broken windows started to increase. No one cared to fix them, let alone to talk about them. Trapped in this mediocrity, residents thought it was okay to throw litter in the streets. The streets slowly but steadily became littered with trash. No one cared to collect the trash. Everyone minded their own busyness. No one cared. Suddenly, the residents stopped taking care of their gardens and lawns. Weeds overcame the once beautiful green lawns. As if this was not enough, the streets became home to broken-down cars. As the number of old, broken-down cars increased on the streets, unexpectedly, the rate of crime soared. Everything happened incrementally and fast. The once beautiful and opulent suburb became distasteful and run-down by moral decadence. It eventually fell apart.
This is what happens in real life. Some people, when they reach the pinnacle of their journey, stop doing the very things that got them to the top, . . . they stop learning, . . . they stop innovating, . . . they start to take customers for granted by offering run-of-the-mill service oblivious that customers are their bosses, . . . they stop cherishing partners and suppliers who keep their business going, . . . they stroke their ego and become pompous, . . . they start praising themselves and behaving rudely. But the virtuosos dance to a different drumbeat. I pray that you, too, step into the virtuosos’ dance. You should behave courteously. As you become more successful, . . . you should become humbler and more polite, . . . you should become more studious and more industrious, . . . you should become more generous and compassionate, . . . you should offer superior service than in earlier times. Keep your boots on the ground – that is how you rise to greatness.
The Romans knew the dangers of polishing one’s ego excessively. They understood that ego, snobbery, pride, pomposity, and arrogance were poor chisels for carving greatness at individual and organizational levels. They thus developed a mechanism of checking against hubris, especially for those in positional leadership.
Just like any other nation, the Romans engaged in numerous military campaigns to protect themselves from foreign hostility and expand their dominion. Every time a general came back home triumphant, he was accorded a heroic welcome. A victorious general was granted permission to drive through the city of Rome to showcase captured prisoners and spoils taken in war. The procession provided victorious generals the opportunity to pitch their publicity and boost popularity among the citizens. That said, the Romans sensed that the practice posed great danger – it was a source of hubris for victorious generals. It was, thus, customary to have a slave stand behind the victorious general whispering to him, repeatedly, “. . . memento homo” (remember you are only a human). The raison d'être was that no matter how lauded, gloried, dignified, and well-spoken the general was, he was still a human being, not a god. He was, just like any other man, made of blood, flesh, and bones.
We have, in our social orbits and workplaces, some positional leaders who when celebrated or well-spoken of or revered, develop extreme egos. They become arrogant and boastful. They start to think that they are more special than other people, . . . they start to feel entitled to trappings outside their sanction. They look down upon fellow humans.
The ego betrays us to always promote our self-image at all costs. The ego drives us into thinking and believing that we are more than what we actually are. The ego causes us to think that we deserve better treatment than what the world offers us. The ego makes us concerned with our superficial positions in social hierarchies and commercial setups instead of working hard and earning it on merit.
Here’s a litmus test for you, . . . if you find yourself always busy spending resources – temporal and financial - on how you want to be perceived by the public, . . . if you try to always prove to others that you’re right in any matter, . . . if you find it hard to admit mistakes - be on the lookout - you are polishing your ego too much that it radiates dangerously. It’s making noise. It’s disserving you.
As I conclude, there is a point I want to make abundantly clear - if you are lucky to be successful, I pray that your accomplishments will not go to your head. When you are being complimented, lauded, commended, or celebrated, it does not mean that you are superior to others. It does not mean that you should demand or expect special treatment from the world. No. That is the moment in your life that you should be humble. The moment that you should start prioritizing the success of your team over personal glory. You realize real greatness when you use your achievements or success to teach others to realize their own greatness. People are on the lookout. Every move that you make is under 24-hour surveillance. Your lifestyle – snobbish or meek - is on the radar being monitored. No matter how many achievements, approvals, accolades, trophies, or standing ovations you may have received, walk with grace. ‘You are just a human being.’ Pick a lesson from Mother Lion. By her example and with humility, a mother lion can pass on generational shrewdness and uprightness to its young for posterity. Through observation and with meekness, the cubs can pick, learn, and integrate generational leadership insights of ‘lion-ness’ from their mother for posterity. It is a thing of joy to actualize oneself to success and greatness, but one does not have to brag about it or publicize it. When we experience success, our focus should be on expressing gratitude to the high power through serving others. Whatever we do in life, we should be concerned about the effect on future generations. Results - positive or negative - accumulate long before they are visible. Oh, lest I forget - ‘memento homo.’ Don’t polish your ego too much – please. It may shine excessively and divorce you from greatness.
Lester Chinyang’anya | General Manager – Operations | Minet Malawi
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