I find Greek mythology to be both humorous and educative. A story is told about Apelles. He was considered the greatest Greek painter of his time. One day, Apelles decided that he needed to leave a mark in the world of art by painting a great piece that would inspire and remind generations to come that he once walked the planet. He wanted to leave a legacy that would separate his name from the other painters. Unfortunately, there was no subject in his home country that he considered to be ideal and complete for his portrait. For years, Apelles traveled the world searching for subjects that would inspire his final masterpiece. He sought to paint the portrait of a perfect woman. In order to put together the design of his portrait, Apelles observed and picked only the finest points of the world’s most beautiful women in the countries that he visited in his sojourn. In Asia, he took notice of the face. In South America, he thought skin pigmentation to be ideal. In Africa, he considered body stature. In Europe, he picked hairstyle. In Australia, he captured pose. By combining the most striking features of his subjects and individual lines of beauty from across the globe, Apelles completed a breathtaking work of art. This grandmaster, being who he was, knew that all of these elements of beauty and radiance could not be found in women who do not consider themselves as being beautiful. It was not a portrait but a composite or a combination of features that allowed Apelles to leave his legacy for you and me to appreciate his artistry. Right up to the present day.
Much as Apelles’ story sounds comical. However, on the core, it teaches us a great deal about leadership – personal mastery is built on the consistent execution of a set of simple fundamentals. If you look at successful companies or individuals in your market and the world at large, there is one common thread that runs across all of them - routine adoption and balanced deployment of bouquets of simple protocols.
If you are determined to play a role in leading teams that produce epic performance, then identification of key skills and repackaging them for application might be the most powerful tool for you. No matter how small your acts may be, they will contribute, if acted upon consistently, to the evolution of your company, team, family, group, and any other social orbit that you belong to and or lead. You will experience a tsunami of runaway success.
You’ve probably heard the old Swahili proverb that says, “. . . ulizaliwa ukifanana na wazazi wako, utafariki ukifanana na maamuzi yako” (meaning: you were born looking like your parents, but you will die looking like your decisions). True, whoever promulgated this statement, decreed gospel truth and was a genius. Leadership is not innate but learned. Through the acquisition and application of simple but fundamental skills. Whatever you call it in your local language, success is an aspect of life that we all seek. In my fifteen years of leadership and personal mastery coaching, I’ve discovered that certain recurring themes appear consistently in stories about successful people and organizations. Through their stories, one can gain insights and understanding of what great achievers do in different situations to achieve success. Herewith are the top five skills that one needs to develop and master in life to be a serial achiever:
Cultivate emotional mastery. A well-known master of ceremonies was hired and invited to preside over a wedding rite of a certain rich man. On the wedding day, the banquet hall was full of guests. The ambiance was exquisite and unrivaled. As the function was about to start, it was discovered that the master of ceremonies was not present. The chairperson of the organizing committee reported to the newlywed rich man that he had been in touch with the master of ceremonies and that he had promised to be at the wedding soon. They waited for 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 35 minutes. Still no sight of the master of ceremonies. The rich man became agitated. Irritated. Infuriated. He lost his cool. He started shouting at the chairperson and members of the organizing committee. He spewed anger at every person that he came in contact with. He banged tables. His face was red - spotted with beads of perspiration. He was under the burden of anger. Angry with the master of ceremonies. Ten minutes later, the master of ceremonies showed up, walked into the hall, smiled, and apologized for being late. He rushed to the microphone, performed the rite that he had been hired for, and then approached the rich man at the high table. He whispered something into the ears of the displeased rich man who was still angry with him. He then grabbed the microphone and apologized to the guests. Once again. He told them that he had performed the role that he was hired for and asked them if he could be allowed to leave because time was up for the burial of his daughter. There was graveyard silence in the hall. You could hear a pin drop. The guests could not believe what they had just heard. Having been harsh to the master of ceremonies, they felt that the rich man needed to apologize. The master of ceremonies nodded, smiled, and left the hall en route to the mortuary to collect the remains of his beloved daughter for burial. What a contrast of emotional management by the rich man and the master of ceremonies. Considering the situation that he was in, the master of ceremonies had all the reasons under the sun either to stay away from the wedding or to shout back at the newlywed rich man. Who could have blamed him? Instead, he chose civility. Courtesy. Humility.
Too many of us conduct ourselves unbecomingly, inappropriately, incompetently - sometimes dangerously - when faced with life’s curveballs due to our inability to manage our emotions. In the end, we lose opportunities that could have improved our business or life. Consider the behavior of the rich man in the story above - apart from the master of ceremonies, how many more people did he alienate with his outlandish behavior? Your guess is as good as mine - many.
Emotions are like a hammer. It depends on what you do with it. A hammer can be used to destroy or build structures. Same with emotions. Emotions can be empowering – strengthen us. Emotions can also be disempowering – weaken us. It all depends on how you manage them. When faced with life’s bad hand, most of us fail to make decisions consciously. As a result, we pay a heavy price. Treat others with civility. Be gentle. Epictetus wrote, “. . . a man’s master is who is able to confirm or remove whatever that man seeks or shuns.” Protect and feed your mind with the right food in terms of what you read, who you associate with, and other sensory inputs. Emotions are built from thoughts. Thoughts are built from information that we acquire through sensory organs. So be careful with what you allow your eyes to see, . . . what you allow your ears to hear, . . . what you allow your nose to smell, . . . what you allow your skin to feel, . . . what you allow your tongue to taste – they have the ability to affect your decision-making and thinking process. We all have situations when our emotions or feelings get the best of us. Learn to tame them before it’s too late. Warren Buffett – chairman of Berkshire Hathaway - was right when he asserted, “ . . . you will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you, everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” Let’s not lose our relationship with friends and business associates because our temper is always out of control. Let’s not make our significant others feel unloved because we are harsh to them. Compose yourself. Stop being moody. Understand that people will blame you for things because you have a bad reputation. And once you have a bad reputation, it’s hard to change other people’s minds. You are in a rot. Forever. Protect your good name - it could take you ten years to build your good reputation but only 10 seconds to destroy it through poor judgment.
Look the part. I would like to ask two questions: Are you aware that when you first meet someone, he makes a judgment about you in three seconds and that his judgment is concluded within 15 seconds of initial contact? What does that tell you about human discernment? Human nature is endowed with the ability to size up those we meet and form opinions about them without verbal exchange instantaneously. Personal grooming is crucial. Don’t side-step it. The first impression matters. I remember when I was in high school, our teachers used to advise us, “. . . You can’t judge a book by the look of its cover.” Today, as a grown-up person, when I look back and replay the contention and audio, I consider the remarks as flawed. I agree - the number one mode of communication is verbal. But don’t rule out the power of non-verbal communication. Understand that no one knows what is in your mind unless you are allowed to speak. It’s impossible to verbalize thoughts to every audience that you encounter. It is imperative therefore that you make your point clear by the way you groom and present yourself. And that starts with your outfit. Understand that ninety percent of your body is covered by clothes. The clothes that you put on reveal or talk more about you than your written curriculum vitae. Was it not Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, “. . . your appearance speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
When you step out of the door of your house, ensure that you are looking the part. Do not leave it to chance. You won’t have a second opportunity to re-appear in front of your targeted audience. For office-going workers, treat every day as an interview day . . . that you are appearing on national television, . . . that you are appearing on the front page of a newspaper. Ensure that your clothes including color are seamless. Wear for the occasion. Importantly, be mindful of your accessories – shawl, handbag, shoes, belt, wristwatch, necklace, bangles, headgear, cologne. Keep them in harmony with each other. The great heroes of humanity use dressing to make a personal statement. They wear appropriate clothes. And wear them appropriately. Deep impact luminaries, A-level leaders, virtuosos, and history makers have one thing in common: they don’t just put on any other clothes, but only those that define and deliver messages about their cognitive authority and personal ethos. Every established and reputable brand has a logo that is used to identify its unique position in the marketplace. We recognize Nike by its swoosh. Puma identifies itself by a leaping cougar. Apple Computer Inc. has a partially bitten apple fruit as its identity. South Africa’s national rugby team - the Springboks – identifies itself as a gazelle. You, too, are a brand. When people see you or hear your name, what association or identification does it invoke in their minds? Nelson Mandela is remembered for his smart colorful patterned batik shirts. Barack Obama is known for navy blue suits and white shirts. Marc Zuckerburg, the founder of Facebook, is known for his grey-tailored T-shirts. Steve Jobs’ signature outfit was black polo turtlenecks, Levi's classic black jeans, and sneakers. Dr Kamuzu Banda - founding president of Malawi – attire was a three-piece black suit, white shirt, and a white flywhisk. Mahatma Gandhi was able to influence, rally followers behind him, and send messages to his opponents wearing a dhoti, turban, tin glasses, and a pair of sandals. Mwalimu Julius Nyerere - the first president of Tanzania - was famous for his collarless Mao suits. Phil Knight, the founder of Nike, knew the importance of personal grooming when he remarked, “ . . . a soldier in shoes is only a soldier. But a soldier in boots becomes a warrior.” Clothes influence the perception of people that we interact with. How we choose to appear and what we choose to wear in public has the power to project or diminish our personal image, attract or repel business opportunities, and make us successful or unsuccessful.
Embrace the zone of discomfort. At the last hour of our life, when we lie on our death bed, two things will bother us and will be reflected upon in the form of questions, . . . Who did I become?... Who did I help? The purpose of life is a life of purpose. That entails becoming more of yourself and helping someone to become more of themselves. No matter how popular or strong or beautiful you may be, you cannot achieve this feat unless you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. This reminds me of an old Chinese proverb, “. . . A chameleon that wants to survive a burning bush must abandon the walking style of its ancestors.” For you to experience new life, there is a need to let go of old habits that support that life and go for new habits that support the new life and experience. It’s this transition or transformation that most of us resist and find difficult to undertake. Why? Because it involves uncertainty. Leaving the known - comfort zone - and going for the unknown – zone of discomfort. Mark Twain provided a very important piece of advice that many of us fail to take heed of, “. . . why not go out on the limb? That is where the fruit is.” Growth comes through discomfort. Verily I say unto you, pleasure seekers never create enduring success.
The human brain craves novelty. We grow when we engage in new adventures. Every day, do something new that improves your lifestyle, . . . that makes your palms sweat. Push yourself to the limit - engage in activities that scare you. At first trial, it will be hard, painful, and messy but as you get accustomed to the adventure, your performance starts to improve and becomes gorgeous. The neuroscience behind this phenomenon is that as we do more of a new activity or expose ourselves to new undertakings, we enrich a pathway within our brain which is the seat of genius. With time, we start to carry out the activity with ease and unconsciously. Performance soars. We become brilliant at performing the activity. Everything that you find easy to do today, you once find it hard. All changes are hard at first, messy in the middle, and beautiful at the end. Greatness lies in the zone of discomfort. Being in the zone of discomfort pushes us to learn new skills of going about things which in turn helps us to achieve a higher level of performance.
Detachment. Studies show that people who make it big in life have three common denominators. One - they do not personalize cause and performance. Two - they see problems as temporary not permanent events. Three - they do not shift problems from one area of their life to another.
I am a strong believer that difficult situations come to instruct - not to obstruct - and that they are inevitable. So, why take rejection, failure, problems, or setbacks personally? It is not uncommon to feel unwanted, cheated, demeaned, violated, wasted, vulnerable, failed, let down, or used as a scapegoat. Sometimes, we may feel that certain things happen because of our actions or inactions. Although this may be true, we do not have to attack or curse ourselves. You’ll agree with me that in life, not everything that happens to you happens because of you or for you. Countless factors influence the occurrence of events. In the majority of cases, the factors are beyond our control. Most events are exogenous in cause. However, we shouldn’t take this as an excuse for living a life that is below par. Uber successful persons that I have met, seen, and read about understand this fact. Very well. The moment you stop personalizing - keeping yourself under the false belief that you are at fault for causing hardships and letting go of the negative feeling of it - you are on an ultra-superhighway to greatness. It works. Trust me.
The other reason why some of us struggle in life is that we have a habit of taking any difficult situation that we meet as omnipotent and omnipresent. Avoid shifting mediocrity from one area of your life to another. Take a cue from Thomas Edison - founder of General Electric. By the time he died, Edison had developed 2,332 different patents in dissimilar fields. Even with these honors, Edison experienced multiple disappointments and heartbreaks. A case in point - he failed more than 1,000 times before he discovered the light bulb. Edison did not take the first failure to produce a light bulb as personal or final. He knew that life is a series of outcomes. Life is like a serial pearl of jewelry connected by small nuggets of outcomes. We win through failure. Treat failure as a research laboratory.
Most of us have a belief that aftershocks of a setback will last forever. We project setbacks out indefinitely whenever we come face to face with them. Successful people do not. They understand that every setback is temporary and isolated. It is widely prophesized and coined that ‘every problem has an expiry date.’ I can’t agree more. When you make a mistake, or experience a setback, neither let the mistake nor setback get you down for long nor take it as a stigma. Hardship is the main gate of change to success. We come to understand who we are only when we metamorphose through difficult situations. Don’t treat failure or setback as permanent. Keep on trying. Keep on keeping on. Keep on believing in your potential. Take problems as isolated incidents not life-long.
Define your riverbank. The great pieces of progress that have shaped our civilization whether in science, commerce, human rights, politics, health, academics, or leadership originated from dissidents and rebels. Yes. Dissidents and rebels of status quo. These are great sons and daughters of Mother Earth who felt irked, perturbed, discontented, dishonored, displeased, miserable, uncomfortable, and unhappy with situations that they and others were in. So, they did not only forsake mediocrity but challenged the status quo of established set-ups. They brought success stories for humanity. I have in mind Rosa Parks - who fought for equality for human rights. Mahatma Gandhi - an advocate of the civil disobedience movement who changed the political landscape of India. The Biblical Moses - who successfully led a multitude of people from enslavement in Egypt. Mohammed Yunus - the founder of Grameen Bank, who pioneered the concept of microcredit. Nobel prize winner, Madam Marie Curie - for her studies in cancer treatment. The Wright brothers - Wilbur and Orville – for pioneering aviation and teaching man to fly. The list is endless.
Standards matter. You can’t garner meaningful progress in life if you don’t raise your personal standards. George Bernard Shaw put it better than I can when he said, “ . . . the reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” Do you have personal ideals that you hold dear and are prepared to face a bullet for? What is it that you highly demand of yourself as personal minimum terms, come sunshine or rain? Nelson Mandela delivered the point home in a moving speech that he made in the dock during his Rivonia trial, “. . . during my lifetime, I have dedicated myself to this struggle for the African people. I have fought against white domination. I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all people live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal that I hope to live for and to achieve. But, if need be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” Re-read the story of Apelles in the opening paragraph of this post. Apelles was a man of high standards. He disqualified subjects in his home country for not meeting his minimum standards or lacking the ideal features for his portrait. So, he decided to go on a long tour searching for features that would meet his standards. Define your riverbank. Set high standards as part of your modus operandi.
Are you where you wanted to be five years ago, three years ago, two years ago? Have you progressed or regressed? If you picked the latter, maybe you neglected something in your standard operating procedures. Try to add force to your skill development and personal growth. Serial achievers set baseline standards in every area of their lives. And observe them as non-negotiable. They are masters of saying no and magicians of saying yes to other people’s requests and demands. In your metaphoric riverbank, draw a line at which the water meniscus should always flow at a minimum level. Don’t accept anything below it. The door to success swings inward not outward. Strive to be the best you can be and that starts with developing and mastering certain key life skills.
Lester Chinyang’anya ǀ General Manager - Operations ǀ Minet Malawi
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