Five years ago, if someone had told me to be grateful to people or things or circumstances that irritate, annoy, infuriate, or anger me, I would have recommended that they should see a psychiatrist at hospitali ya vichaa (mental hospital). Over the years, however, as I grew older and became more enlightened, I have deeply reflected on this wisdom. Yes, I have come to the agreement that indeed people who press your buttons, people who split your hair, people who depreciate your effort, and people who treat you with abandoned cruelty are your humbling teachers. Their behavior and treatment may drive you crazy, but they make you dream big and find ways of escaping from the mess you may be in. They make you see new possibilities and options. Hug them. Bless them. Circumstances that seem tough and defeating are great gifts for personal growth. They make you strong emotionally to weather the storm of life. Love them. There can be no success without pain, without being rejected, without being rebuffed. Every time I reflect on this subject, I feel sorry for, but at the same time get encouraged by the founder of KFC, Colonel Harland Sanders, who moved from door to door, selling his chicken recipes. He got rejected more than one thousand times before his recipe became a hit. One thing that you and I need to discover before our time is up is that everything worthwhile in life is uphill.
No matter who you are, what your background is, what your position is; whether you are a CEO, janitor, rabbi, or maharaja; where you live, whatever the color of your skin, you will have to deal with bad experiences. You cannot graduate from life without experiencing struggles. It is simply foundational. No person, living or dead, has ever been or will be exempted from dealing with the downs of life.
Life is filled with ups and downs. You and I must deal with them with grace. Life, as a journey, has bends not ends that must be negotiated, bridges not ridges that must be crossed, steep hills and ills that must be plodded, and above all beautiful plains that must be enjoyed. We must walk this journey called life prepared and accept bad situations with positivity. The old expression that ‘nothing good in life is easy’ is true.
There is a story about a young Maasai boy, who lived with his family at the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro in Moshi. The boy showed unreserved obedience to his parents. He dutifully tendered his family’s herds of cattle and other animals. One day, during his sojourns, he came across a cocoon. The young boy picked the cocoon up and took it home. He did not know what it was. His father told him that the object he was holding in his hands, was a cocoon from which a beautiful butterfly would come out. One day. Filled with excitement and anxiety, the young boy took the cocoon to his hut and put it on a rickety wooden stool. The only furniture that graced his hut. After a few minutes, the cocoon started to vibrate. Then it split open. The boy was amazed by what he saw - a beautiful butterfly started to come out of the cocoon. It was the most beautiful thing the young Maasai had ever seen in his twelve-year life. But he noted something: the butterfly was seemingly unable to get out of the cocoon. It kept beating its wings against the cocoon, attempting to get out, with little success.
The young boy felt pity for the butterfly. Without hesitation, he broke the cocoon in half to let the seemingly struggling butterfly come out. With the boy’s help, the butterfly came out, flapped its wings, and flew into the air. But as soon as it picked flight mode and altitude, it fell and lay dead on the ground.
The young boy cried upon seeing his butterfly dead. His father, who had been watching the whole episode from a distance walked up to his teary child, comforted him, and shared some wisdom. He sagely explained; “. . . when a butterfly comes out of a cocoon, it is weak and vulnerable. It needs to strengthen its wings and muscles by beating them against the cocoon shell. As the wings beat the cocoon shell, its soft muscles toughen and grow stronger. It does this to prepare itself for the next phase of its life. So, when you helped the butterfly to come out by breaking the cocoon apart, you actually denied it the chance to develop strength of muscles and wings. This is the reason the butterfly failed to fly and fell to the ground on the first attempt of flight. Dead.”
Moral of the story? Oftentimes, what seems harsh, difficult, uphill, punishing, daunting and cruel in life, is in reality good wisdom and an opportunity to sharpen you for the time ahead. In the wise words of holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl; “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds meaning.”
One thing that I have come to appreciate is that situations that are seemingly difficult in life make us understand ourselves. When you move toward what you want in life, you get tested, sometimes with life-shattering experience. Disappointments are inevitable. If you follow your dream, there is a possibility of falling short of the requirements of attaining the dream. If you attempt something new, there is a possibility of failure. This is how it should be. Verily verily I say, bad situations must happen to allow you to overcome whatever lies ahead. To find true happiness and purpose, you need to embrace the heartbreaks of life with grace. They are your treasured teachers. Tough situations bring self-awareness. They make you grow. They stretch you out of your comfort zone. Next time something bad happens, instead of blaming someone, look deeply into yourself to discover reasons for the negative situation. Use the challenge as an opportunity to condition yourself for the time ahead. Do not fight the situation. Mohamed Alli - great boxer of his time - remarked, “. . . what does not kill me, makes me stronger.” Do not break the cocoon hastily, like the Maasai boy. Rather, rely on your forte. Be silent. Be reflective. John Mc Donnell put it more elegantly than I could when he said, “. . . every problem introduces a person to himself.”
Negative situations allow you to engage strengths and disengage weaknesses. People who have gone through bad patches look more confident and knowledgeable than those who coast in their comfort zones of life. Each time you encounter a painful experience, you get to know yourself a little better. Sad moments define who you are and who you will become. Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Meta (formerly Facebook) and best-selling author of “Lean In” asserted, “. . . when we face slings and arrows of life, we are wounded, and the scars stay with us. But we can walk away with greater internal resolve.” People who are growth conscience view bad situations, albeit painful, as gym workouts. Successful people treat bad experiences as tutorials and classrooms for personal growth.
For the few years that I have been in this world, I have noted that people, who manage bad situations well are the ones who become successful. Almost all successful people I have come across, heard, and read about, point to hard times in their lives as defining points in their journey of growth. Nick Vujicic, born limbless and bullied at school is a case in point. Nick managed his difficult situation well. As I write, Nick is a world-class speaker, coach, and renowned evangelist. He reaches out to millions of people across the five continents. Steve Jobs was another classic example. Steve was rejected, but required, by the very company he co-founded. Strange. Isn’t it? He was humiliated. Ridiculed. He lost millions of dollars in trying to re-establish himself outside Apple. At NeXT and Pixar. But he managed the situation perfectly well, overcame the odds, bounced back, and made Apple great, again. As elders say, “. . . life has a fair accounting system.” It rewards effort and penalizes idleness. Or does it not?
Views from the top are that if you are going through a bad patch in your life, take it positively, doors to success are about to open for you. Take the bad days of your life as keys to unlock doors to success. Bad situations are the foundation of greatness. It feels great to look at a bad experience through the rear-view mirror. Tough times make one creative. Going through a tough time is like enrolling at a university of hard knocks. You study syllabi with pain to pass tests. He who does not go through the university of hard knocks is like a butterfly that was aided to fly by a Maasai boy but could not cope because it did not knock its wings hard enough on the shell to gain strength. How hard do you sharpen your skills and character on your ‘personal cocoon shell’ for tough times ahead? True life begins when you step out of your comfort zone. Papa Wallenda, renowned tightrope walker once said, “ . . . life is lived on the wire, the rest is just waiting.” Personal growth means more than expanding your mindset and skillset. One thing that you and I must discover before we die is that everything that is worthwhile in life is uphill.
Lester Chinyang’anya ǀ General Manager - Operations ǀ Minet Malawi
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