As difficult as it is to admit, you can’t give away what you don’t have. This is a basic principle that has withstood the test of time. If you do not love yourself, there is no way you will love your mate. If you cannot clothe yourself, you will not be able to clothe the needy. If you are unable to feed yourself, odds are high that you will not be able to feed the hungry. If you cannot fend for yourself, it follows that you cannot take care of the destitute. You cannot lead a team if you can’t lead yourself. You cannot be at peace with others unless you are at peace with yourself. You must do good to yourself first before you do good to others. The Bible instructs us to ‘. . . remove the log in our eye first before we attempt to remove one in our neighbour’s.’ Simple logic. The log in your eye will hinder and hold you back from seeing properly to dislodge the one in the other person’s eye. Work on your flaws, problems, weaknesses, environment first before you point a finger at the shortcomings of your workmate, neighbour, and significant others. Sweep your doorstep first before you howl at your neighbour to clean theirs. You assist others adequately when you’ve mustered capacity and mastered ability to do so. People who rush to assisting others before they have acquired adeptness themselves end up not only failing short of completing the mission, but being frustrated and embarrassingly broke in ideas, resources, and proper curative actions. The point of wisdom is that you should first develop and equip yourself before you try to assist and render support to others.
Flight attendants never forget to remind passengers – regular and first-time fliers – about the importance of the above principle. “In an event of oxygen failure, masks will fall from the ceiling. Put your oxygen mask on first before you attempt to assist others,” caution crew members. Although it sounds selfish, the truth of the matter is that you are able to help the passenger sitting next to you if and only if you are alive.
James Allen, renowned author of As a Man Thinketh wrote, “people are willing to change their circumstances but not themselves, in so doing they remain bound.” A story is told about a certain man, who visited his family doctor, complaining that his wife was not hearing as well as she used to. He thought that she needed hearing aid. The family doctor advised him to perform a simple test. “When you go home, stand at a distance of fifteen meters, speak to her as loud as you always do in a normal conversation. Take note of her reaction. If she does not hear you, reduce the distance. Speak to her again. Keep on reducing the distance if she does not respond. The distance will assist me to determine the type of hearing aid that I need to design and prescribe for her.” The husband went back home determined to carry out the test that the family doctor had recommended. One day, the wife was busy ironing clothes in the laundry room. “Mary, I want to drive the car out of the garage for service. Where did you put the keys?” the husband asked his wife. He waited for some minutes for the wife to respond. He never heard the response. As per doctor’s instructions, he kept reducing the distance, asking the same question. The husband was concerned since his wife could not hear him and respond even at five-meter distance. He moved closer, stood just behind his loved wife, and asked the same question. Finally, the wife shouted; “William, for the sixth time … the keys are in my green handbag. You must get your hearing tested.”
Much as it sounds funny, the moral of the story is that oftentimes, when we have a problem, we rush to blaming others, to finding scapegoat. It is easy to find fault and flaw with others, but difficult to find faults with ourselves. We must always examine our adequacy, our capabilities, our abilities, our shortfalls, our weaknesses before we point a finger at others. If we first look inside ourselves, we will find out that we are part of the problem and solution. We become of great relevance and assistance to those around us, be it at our workplace or at home, when we do thorough self-introspection about our capabilities and incapabilities.
I am an ardent advocate of personal mastery and leadership. Whenever I lead masterminds or interact with fellow advocates and leadership enthusiasts, I always emphasize the point of being at ease with oneself and attaining adequate self-improvement before reaching out to the world. Success on the outside starts with success in the inside. The inside influences the outside.
Personal mastery and leadership, as pre-requisites of success, are continuous processes that involve acquiring qualities that transform one into a better human being. No matter how great your growth has already been, there is always room for further growth. Growth has no limit. The frontier keeps expanding. Personal growth centres on one’s desire to change one’s life. It makes one valuable and significant in the society. It is an experience that makes one to enjoy more joy. More happiness. More peace of mind. It is a journey that one makes to reach one’s potential. Neuroscientists avow that man uses only 10% of their innate potential. When you change in some key areas of your life, the rest automatically experience a shift (trust me on this one).
The hallmark of personal growth is sowing seeds for the growth of others. It is said that the purpose of life is to serve another human being. Serving humanity gives one a sense of significance that one has not walked the world in vain.
Here is the catch - if you are to help someone grow, you need to grow yourself first. At this point, dear reader, let me apologetically ask you to go back and re-read the title of the posting – ‘put your oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help others.’ You cannot champion growth of another person without first having to deal with yourself. Jim Rohn, the father of personal development once said, “you cannot give away what you do not have.” Credibility matters. The people which you plan to help must first believe in you and buy in your offering before they can accept your support. Your service will receive due acceptance when and only when you have built people’s credibility in what you have achieved, what you have become, what you are doing. No one will take you seriously if you do not have what it takes to move the needle. How do you build credibility? You ask. By learning and earning something of value. It is only by gaining something of value that you will be able to influence others. Philanthropists and humanitarians show benevolence because they have something to give away. Think Bill Gates. Gates continues to influence the world through Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. He taps into his personal achievements. Think Oprah Winfrey. She is influencing people worldwide positively through her famous television talk-shows because she is an inspired figure herself. Think the 20-time grand slam tennis star and legend, Roger Federer and his charity work in Africa. You remedy a situation with the tools and resources that you have at your disposal.
When you wake up every morning, ask yourself: ‘what bill of good will I give to the world, today?’ When you go to bed at night, ask yourself a reflective question, “did my deeds in the past twelve hours make life of another person better?” It should be your great aspiration and inspiration to offer service to the needy and inspire others to be the best version of themselves. Make a difference in people’s lives. Serve above self. Mike Murdock said it better than I could, “giving is proof that you have conquered greed.”
I have great respect for professional football coaches. Before they take up the role of coach, they undergo different stages of development; . . . starting as player, . . . undergoing a certification programme, . . . playing fiddle to a senior coach to learn the ropes. Top leaders including athletes realize the importance of empowering themselves before taking the role of improving others. Would you imagine top soccer stars, such as Kylian Mbappe, Cristiano Ronaldo or the most decorated gymnast, Simone Biles or the two-time world heavyweight champion Tyson Fury being trained by someone who is average in skillset? It simply doesn’t work that way. Mediocre practice produces mediocre results. It’s as clear as that! An iron sharpens another iron.
True. Success on the outside starts with success on the inside. Growing yourself in body, mind and soul is the mainstay of continuous improvement. Eat well, engage in physical exercises, get a massage, do aerobics to nurture your body. Improve your soul - meditate regularly, engage in prayer and yoga. Grow your mind - read widely and veraciously, teach, attend seminars, listen to motivational speeches, learn new ways of doing things. It is important to understand that we all have faults, which can be corrected. By nature, every human being is an unfinished product. There is always room to improve one’s skills, unearth one’s talents, polish up one’s abilities, improve one’s expertise. There is always room to develop good character such as positive attitude, integrity, honesty, trust, humility, confidence.
An airplane has two wings that keep it in balance, when it flies in the sky or taxing on the runway. The right wing is not more important than the left wing. Same is true with you and me - to keep good balance of life, we need to improve both our character and competence. If we continue to be too critical of and neglect ourselves, we will not only be able to influence others, but sabotage our personal growth process. Shake off self-pity. Self-condemnation. Self-neglection. Start improving your competence and character. Develop the areas of your life that you feel must grow. Appraise and approve yourself. What a tragedy it is to go through life for 75 years or 80 years condemning oneself and being against oneself. There is no one other than ‘you’ who can take care of ‘you.’ Learn more. Build capacity. Be a life-long learner. Hire a coach. Improve your skills. Cultivate and give yourself a more radiant life. Start developing yourself and helping other people. Today.
People, who engage in personal growth exude abundance mindset. They do not hoard or withhold information. They share knowledge. They understand that when they grow others, it boomerangs back to them. Self-developers see the world full of opportunities. They know that there is enough for everyone. They do not compete. There is a lot to go around for everyone. When you give more, you receive more. When you focus on the needs of others, more of your needs get sorted out. Motivational speaker, salesman and leadership writer, Zig Ziglar said, “you can get everything that you want in life if you help enough people to get what they want.” People, who give their expertise, time, financial resources without expecting a return are happier, experience more joy than those who do not give. Giving is the start process of receiving. Givers attract good relationships. Givers are business builders. For you to give away, you must develop capacity.
Most of us tend to forget that the things that we enjoy today are often the fruits of someone who went before us, gave away or sacrificed their ideas, money, creativity, time, freedom, and other resources. Think Mwalimu Julius Nyerere. Think Jomo Kenyatta. Think Mark Zuckerberg. Think Thomas Edison. Think Neil Armstrong. Think Nelson Mandela. Think Mahatma Gandhi. Think Steve Jobs. Think Sam Walton. Think Elon Musk. You and I are simply harvesters and beneficiaries of the fruits of someone else’s struggle and sweat. Let us create and give something of value so that future generations benefit from our benevolence as well. Let’s not break the chain. A Chinese proverb says, “those who drink water from a well must always remember those who dug the well.” Learn to develop others. Serve above yourself. Give generously. Impact lives of other people. The mark of a true leader is not how many people serve him, but the number of people he serves. Use your achievements to improve lives of other people. Learn sowing without harvesting. This reminds me of an old Swahili saying – tupande miti ambayo kwenye vivuli vyake hatuna mpango wa kukaa (we should plant trees whose shade you shall never sit in). As a human being, you are in the business of giving to, and developing others. Flight attendants understand that the greatest gift that you give to your fellow human being is your own personal development. So, next time you fly, pay attention to the flight attendant’s instructions, and reflect on their rational: “. . . put your oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help others.”
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